We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need to calm my uterus...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
