Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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