Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just pee around me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
