She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
