Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
