Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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