It was confusing and full of hummus
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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