I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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