Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
