Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
