we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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