I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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