I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
