What a fucking waste of an outfit
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
