I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
