If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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