theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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