Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
