You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
