somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
