I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
