my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
