I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
