It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
