i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she peed on how many people?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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