ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
