We named our party play list daddy issues
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
