Im at strip club and am horny
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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