I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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