Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
