I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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