im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
