woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
