I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
