Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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