You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
