She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
