my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
