I looked at my own cervix.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
