I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
