So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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