Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize