if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
