I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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