She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
