I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
