So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
