what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
