my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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