we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
