yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
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Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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