sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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