I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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