Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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