I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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