was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
