First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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