Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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