thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
