This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
