I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize