i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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