Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
