Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
