break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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