he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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