Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
